I'm Still Here: Three Words
by Im Old Greg
Summary: Gibbs never realised how hurtful or powerful three words could be from your son, until the worst three are aimed at him. He thinks back to how he treated his own father, while he talks to his son. Third in the ISH series.


**I'm Still Here – Three Words**

_I __hate __you! _It was those three words that cut into Leroy Jethro Gibbs three words replayed over and over again in his mind, his own son had screamed them at him before storming up the stairs and letting his frustration known by kicking the wall of his bedroom because he didn't have a door to slam.

He was smoothing the edges of the boat now; usually a job father and son would work on together. Zach would drink soda while Gibbs would drink his whiskey, like he was doing now. He was still hurt his son had said that to him.

He had remembered he had said that a lot to his father after his mother died, and he had been too self-centred at the time to realise the affect those three words had a huge impact on his dad. He knew he didn't mean them when he said them, well he had a bit but that was because he wasn't a very nice teenager. But he wasn't sure if his dad knew.

But with Zach, he knew they were just said in the heat of the moment. Although people compared Zach to him, at times they couldn't be further apart. Gibbs had gone purposely out of his way to hurt his dad's feeling when he was younger, but saying those three words, calling him Jackson and a number of other hurtful stuff.

And the teen was not like that at all, he still had his hero worship for his dad and he the furthest thing from his mind was hurting his father's feelings. His 'I hate you' was more of a young child saying it to try and get his own way, but Gibbs had always been spiteful.

He replayed the scene in his mind once more, wondering if he had done the right thing or if his son truly had reason to be angry with him.

* * *

><p>"<em>Dad, guess what?" The blond teenager was dressed scruffily in his school uniform after basketball practise and clearly very excited about what he had to tell his dad. <em>

_Gibbs took one look at his uniform and bit his tongue from mentioning it. He swore that the sixteen-year-old didn't have a clue how to dress smartly if it wasn't for him making sure he tucked in his shirt and did his tie up in the mornings. _

"_What?" He played along. _

_Zach shoved the see-through packaging he had been carrying at him, grinning as he told his dad to open them. _

"_You got your basketball kit?" The silver-haired man let a rare smile grace his face, looking through the articles of clothing his son had acquired. _

_He opened them, revealing a black tracksuit jacket and pants with the red Kendrick Knights logo and red stripes, he opened the red shorts next which had the number 14 on the bottom of them. And Zach took the shirt, quickly ripping open the packaging because he decided his dad was going too slow. _

"_Cool huh?" He beamed, waiting for his dads much wanted approval as he spun the shirt around showing his number and surname on the back. _

"_Very" Gibbs handed him the clothes back, ruffling his son's soft freshly showered hair. "I'm proud of you champ" _

_Zach beamed at that, still bouncing in his seat to show he had more to say "That's not even the best bit" _

"_What is then?" Gibbs was only playing this game because the teenager was his son and he loved him dearly. Anyone else even thought of playing this, he would have head slapped them and demanded they told him what they wanted to say quickly._

"_We've got our first game this Saturday!" He didn't notice his dad's smile drop as he carried on talking "It's at two, and we're playing Columbus high. It's the first game of the season and every said they are crap so we've got this in the bag. And coach says with me and Joe playing like we have been we are going to rack up the points quickly. Isn't that great dad?" _

_Gibbs groaned, rubbing his face tiredly. He had been looking forward to his son's first game, as had his son and the rest of the family. But it couldn't have come at a worst time._

"_What? What's wrong?" His dad was supposed to telling him he would be there to watch him, not looking…. Well looking like that. _

"_You can't play on Saturday Zach, I'm sorry" The elder man truly meant it; he knew how excited his son had been about this. _

"_Why?" The teen couldn't help his face from dropping. _

"_Because it's Tony's and Ziva's wedding. You know that Zach" His son did know about it because he had been reminded enough times by Abby who had been over hyper about it since last week. And all the men had gone to get their suits fitted together yesterday. Heck, he was at the bachelor party last weekend; he should definitely be remembering it._

"_No! I thought that was next week!" He looked devastated now, and Gibbs wished he could tell him he could go just so he didn't have to see his son so upset. _

_But he couldn't, it would be even worse watching Tony's and Ziva's faces when they found out their nephew would prefer to play one of many basketball games instead of attending their one in a life time wedding. _

"_No" Gibbs shook his head, putting the car into gear "It's this weekend, sorry champ."_

"_This sucks" _

_The car had been silence for most of the drive home. The happiness that had once been there had been replaced with sadness now, and the sound of cogs turning in the blonds head as he tried to work out a plan that fit for everyone. _

"_What time are Uncle Tony and Aunt Ziva getting married?" He asked, and Gibbs could already see what his plan was. _

"_Eleven." He turned the car onto their street, pulling up outside the house._

"_Can I go then if I get Tom to pick me up or something? I'll be gone like two hours max, and it's not like I'm going to miss the 'I do' bit and all that. Please dad? I've already told coach I can play. It's not like he has any other decent shooting guards, considering the last one is in jail" _

"_You __can__'__t __Zach. __It__'__s __Tony __and __Ziva__'__s __special __day, __and __they __want __you, _their family, _there. __You __will __have __to __tell __coach __you __can__'__t __make __it__" __His __voice __was __becoming __a __lot __less __understanding __now, __he __knew __his __son __was __not __going __to __drop __it __once __he __had __an __idea __in __his __head._

"_But dad!" He whined, getting out of the car and chasing after him up the garden path "It's the first game of the season. No one is going to notice I'm missing for a couple of hours. It will just be mingling with old people, I won't be missing much." _

"_You're not going Zach." He was starting to loose his patience now. _

"_That's not fair!" It didn't help matter that his son had inherited his quick temper. _

"_Life's not fair. Deal with it!" He said gruffly, going to the bookshelf in his living room to lock his gun in the safe he kept there. _

"_You're being completely un-reasonable. Give me one good reason why I can't go?"_

"_Watch how you speak to me Zacharriah." He warned him, not willing to take much more of his disrespect. "I've told you why you can't go, and that's the end of it. You keep the way you're going, and I'll ban you from playing the next game too"_

"_You can't do that!" He protested loudly. He was losing out on one game, he couldn't miss two. _

"_I'm your father. I can do whatever I want." Came his reply, as he turned around to face his son, holding up one finger to show the boy had just earned his first warning. _

_The Welsh Teen kicked of his shoes in a temper into the alcove near the front door where they kept their shoes. "You are such a Prick sometimes!" _

_Gibbs marched over to him, bending over so he was right in his face "That's strike two young man. Consider yourself lucky it's not three."_

_"Yea that probably is the luckiest thing that has ever happened to me." He muttered sarcastically, before his voice started to rise louder and louder until he was screaming and stomping up the stairs "I hate it here, I hate the stupid rules you have! I hate all the stupid posh kids who think they are so good because their parents are rich! This is the one thing I can beat all of them in and you're taking it away from me! _I hate you!"

_Gibbs had stood there stunned, watching him go up the stairs and listening to his fit of rage as he took it out by kicking the bedroom walls. There was obviously more to the story than just not being allowed to go to a game, but he didn't have a slightest clue what it could possibly be, and right now his thoughts wasn't on what was wrong with his son. It was on those three words. _

_His son _hated _him. The boy that only last night was sitting on the sofa with him, his head in his lap as he feel asleep while they watched James Bond together. The blond had told him he was glad he was his dad, and that he loved him. Not many sixteen-year-olds would want to spend time with their dad or be so open about their feelings to him, but not Zach._

_No, his boy adored spending time with him and just being in his company. He was rather like a young child in that respect rather than a teenager. But he suspected that it had something to do with the fact he had never had his father around when he was younger, or even a father figure, so he was making up for it now. It wouldn't last forever, just like childhood didn't. _

* * *

><p>He downed the rest of the whiskey before pouring himself some more in an old nail jar. Something which always disgusted Zach, but when Gibbs pointed out his five second rule for eating things that had dropped on the floor he had soon shut up.<p>

The more he thought about his son's outburst, the more he realised that it was less to do with him actually missing the game and more to do with the competition with his class mates.

And who could really blame the teenager he thought, most of his class friends came from privileged backgrounds, having been in the best schools since they were in kindergarten. There was very few that were in the school on a Scholarship because their parents worked high up in one the agencies that the school accepted, and even most of them had been in Kendrick Academy middle school so they still had better schooling than Zach.

It must have been hard for the boy to keep up with them sometimes; after all he had been in public school for many years which he doubted he had listened a lot when he was even there.

He thought over one of the many times he had told Jackson he had hated him, comparing it with the situation with his son.

* * *

><p>"<em>Come on Leroy" Jackson growled, pulling his son along with the scruff of his neck and carrying his Winchester rifle in the other. <em>

_Jethro __was __seventeen, __a __few __months __shy __of __his __eighteenth __birthday, __and Jack__had __just __broken __up _another _fight __between __him __and __the __usual __two __suspects._

"_I don't need your help" He shook out of the hold and walked ahead of the older man, heading in the direction of the store. _

"_The damn you didn't! You need to get it through your fool head that fighting with them is not going to solve anything" he shouted after him, lengthening his strides to keep up with the teen. _

"_Makes me feel better though" Jethro muttered, opening the front door to the shop. The brunet boy had tried to get up the stairs to his room, but he had been called back by an angry Jackson. He was only going back so he didn't make his life more difficult later on, not because he respected the man's authority. _

"_I'm at a loss to what to do with you anymore Leroy" Jack said defeated "What's wrong with you?" _

"_Nothing" It was the answer he used every single time someone asked him that question. _

"_No, there is something wrong with you. You need to open up son, I can't help you if I don't know what it is" He was practically begging with him now, wanting to be able to sort out his problems with his son. _

_But Jethro didn't care, he gritted his teeth and repeated what he said earlier "I said, I didn't want your help _Jack_" He felt slightly guilty as he saw the flash of hurt when that name was said, but he just couldn't bring himself to care. _

"_Well, what do you want me to do son?" He could tell the man had gotten desperate because he was asking him what he wanted rather than telling him that was how it was. _

"_I want you to leave me alone" He said. _

"_You know I can't do that son. I love you, and I want to help you. If you would just tell me what the problem is. Is it mom? Because I know she wouldn't like to see her son behaving like this" _

_"Shut. Up. About. Mom" He grounded out, and finally Jackson saw a spark of real emotion on his sons face "You really want to know what the problem is? Do you? Cus' I'll tell ya. I hate this stupid little town with all it nosey little people, butting into our life's and bringing their cooking over. But more than that, _I hate you Jack_" _

* * *

><p>Gibbs cringed with that memory, unable to think about it anymore. He had been a little bastard, he knew that. And he could only imagine what his poor old dad must have been feeling; it was a spiteful and horrible thing to say to the man. He had known it at the time, and had used it to his advantage to get the old man to leave him alone.<p>

He was glad Zach was nothing like him in that department. He would hate to be put through some of the things he had put his dad through. Yes Zach was naughty and did cause a lot of trouble, just like he had when he was younger. But the teen was more mischievous while he had been rebellious, purposely going out his way.

He heard the footsteps coming down the stairs before he heard the hesitant voice "…Dad?"

The boy was already a better teenager than he had ever been. He wouldn't have even thought about confronting his father to apologize after he had said that. They would have both sat down to breakfast the next day and pretend like nothing had ever happened when they both knew that it wasn't true.

He turned to face the teenager, who had yet to get changed from his school uniform. But he suspected there were reasons for it. If the slightly puffy eyes had been anything to go off he had been crying for most of the time while he was in his room.

"Yes?"

"I…I don't h…hate you" He stood at the bottom step nervously.

"I know" He put his tools and jar of whiskey down on the side.

"I… I …" He rubbed the back of his neck "I just said it because I was angry"

"Come here Zach" Gibbs said softly "Don't worry, you're not in trouble" He added when he saw the teen's panicked look.

"Sit down" He guided him to sit on the edge of the boat. The boat was still in its very early days yet, but it had started to get the basic outline now.

He sat down next to him, tilting the teenagers face so they were eye to eye "Want to tell me what the real problem is?"

"I really wanted to go to the game, it's the first game of the season and….."

Gibbs cut him off "No, that's not the real problem and you know it." He was still speaking softly "It's got something to do with you hating 'all of the stupid posh kids'" he quoted him, his mouth twitching slightly.

"It don't matter" He moved to get up and go back upstairs, but Gibbs gently kept him were he was.

"It _does _matter Zach. You're my son, and I want to know what's wrong so I can help" His dad's voice echoed in his head as he used those words.

"I'm just sick at the posh kids thinking they are the best at everything. For once, I wanted to show them that I'm just as good as them" He looked away, embarrassed at talking about his feelings.

He took his son's chin in his hand; keeping his hand there so the teenager couldn't look away "You _are_just as good as them, if not better than them."

"Doesn't feel like that when they laugh at my spelling and how I saw words" He muttered.

This was another side to his son he had rarely seen in the boy. He was completely un-sure of himself academically. This was a lot different from the boy who was usually so confident. No wonder he played class clown because like Gibbs, he hated his insecurities being shown.

"Zach.." Gibbs groaned "You learnt British English, and you have an accent, Of course you're spellings and words are going to be said differently and you should be proud of it. And as for basketball, there is always going to be other games"

He smiled softly, letting his dad wrap an arm around him "So, you're not going to ban me from the next game?"

"No. Why, do you think I should?" He wasn't going to even if the teen said yes. He just wanted to see what he would say.

"I… I did kinda act like the world's biggest brat before and I'm sorry." He blushed as he remembered his fit of rage "I really don't think you're a prick. And I really really don't hate you"

"Don't worry about it son." He had done and said a lot worse himself to his own father, so he was no about to be the hypocrite and tell his son off. "And you know what, I'm proud of you."

He frowned, looking up at his father incredulously "You are really going to have to explain that one."

"I'm not proud of you for the way you acted before, but now, when you came down here on your own to tell me you're sorry. It takes a lot of guts to admit your wrong son." He had never had the guts to apologize to anyone, not even his own father. But that was mainly because he thought he was always right.

He made a mental note to phone his dad later. He still needed to tell him he was invited to Tony and Ziva's wedding. And, more importantly, he needed to tell him he had a grandson.

The blond smiled, giving his dad a hug "You're the best dad you know that right? _I __love __you_"

And it was those three words, with only one word difference to the words he said before, but they couldn't be more different. Instead of hurting him, he beamed as he hugged the boy closer to him, kissing the top of his head.

"I love you too son"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Just a one shot. Next is the wedding, with Jackson making an appearance, and we all know that the basketball game will not be out of Zach's mind. I thought it would be nice to show that Zach isn't exactly like Gibbs, and we can all use a bit of fluff. Hope you enjoyed. **


End file.
